Half-Empty Pancackle Mixes & How Knowledge Changes Perception

Sample Shake-It-Around-Half-Empty-Bottle-of-Pancackle-Mix via redmart.com

Soo, now that I have attained Pancackle Journeyman status, wherein I can craft satisfying, fluffy variants of my own pancackles that look like photo shoot pancackles, I have realised something. O.o

...I know why these half-empty pancackle mix bottles work!

See, I've always thought it was kinda nuts that people bought these things. 'Woot! Guys! I have an idea! Let's sell half-empty bottles to people and sell it as a feature! They'll totally buy it and we'll make even moar money!' >.>

But nao, nao having attained Pancackle Journeyman status, I know WHY! And I know why it works!

I figure it's 'cause if you are a Pancackle Noob, and you don't know how Pancackles work, you don't realise that the number one transformer of Fluffy Pancackles of HAPPY into Rubbery Pancackles of SAD is... overmixing of the flour.

Enter the shake-it-around-half-empty-bottle of pancackle mix, which a pancackle noob is far less likely to overmix. With these half-empty bottles, Pancackle Noobs add water, shakeshake, make pancackles that are (hopefully) fluffy, and they go, this is AWESOME!

And so what I thought was a WTF stoopid peepul clever company turns out to be a very clever company saving stoopid peepul from themselves *while making a profit*! It's brilliant, *and* it's not a con.

(That being said, if I had understood Pancackle Principles, I probably would never have come up with these gorgeous white chocolate pancackles, which basically break all the rules of fluffiness I outline above, but are still utterly amazing.)


Yay! The perfect pancackle!

I haz attained eet! Perfect pancackle and lacy pancackle! From scratch! Wooties!

Now to the griping. Why do recipes never tell you the exact way to put the pancackle in the pan, in order to get the classic perfect pancackle? >.> <.<

Oh well. Nao I haz finally figured out that the key to the perfect pancackle is:

  1. Pancackle mix waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay thicker than the commercial pancackle mixes
  2. VERY low heat, the lowest possible (on a gas stove) without the fire going out
  3. Swirling the pancackle mix very slowly onto the greased pan, using the same motions one uses to get a soft-serve ice-cream outta a 7-11s icecream thingie, only in reverse
  4. Wait until the bottom is a lovely crumpet sorta bubbulatory mass
  5. Slide spatula carefully under pancackle
  6. Flip and cook for a few seconds more
  7. On to the next pancackle!

    I think my crafting methods when it comes to cooking leave nuggetboy feeling slightly disturbed. -_- You see, I don't measure anything. >.> I just throw stuff in till it looks right.

    With that in mind, (and yes, I know everyone reading this can prolly make perfect pancackles already but I don't care), here's the Nuggeteh Perfect Pancackle not-exactly-recipe:

    1 egg
    2 gloppily full tablespoons of sweetened condensed milk
    A hunk of salted butter, melted (about 2inches x 1inch x 1inch)
    Orange cordial to taste (which really, we all know just means throw it in there till you feel like stopping)
    Buttermilk... you guessed it.. to taste =P
    Flour.. I have no idea how much, you'll see...
    Baking powder ... about 1/8th of however much flour you use

    1. Mix all the wet stuff until it forms a smooth mixture with the approximate consistency of a protein shake.
    2. This is where the nuggeteh way gets a bit tricky... The idea is to whisk flour into the protein shake mixture until it has the consistency of a freshly glooped Mcd's milkshake. The thing is, I just eyeball how much flour will give me that consistency then add the baking powder to it, and whisk in the whole thing. I'm not sure it works as well if you whisk in the flour, THEN the baking powder but oh well...
    3. Grease pan with lots of butter
    4. Plop pancackle mix into pan as described above.

    Makes about 5-6 pancackles.


    After talking to Suicide Granny, apparently these instructions only apply for us MMO Crafting Cooks, who own only one pan, and most certainly do not own a cast-iron pan.

    For cast-iron pans, the opposite of everything I said applies, and instead of waiting for crumpets, wait till half the bubbles of a crumpet.

    It seems pans that belong to us MMO Crafting Cooks (as opposed to real cooks, who presumably have cast-iron pans) heat up way too fast, and get way too hot - which is why my method works.

    Bacon-wrapped steak bites and caramelised maple syrup pancakes. Also, sperm jellies. It's not what it sounds like!

    This weekend's bacon science!

    Bacon-Wrapped Teriyaki Steak Chunks
    Steak cut up in decent-sized chunks (mini sausage sized really...) and marinaded in teriyaki marinade + chinese cooking wine overnight. Then wrapped in bacon and pan-fried!

    This turned out really good, though due to nuggetboy being paranoid about crisping the bacon, the cow was more done than I liked.  Of course, I like my cows practically still moving so... XD Nuggetboy likes his well-done though, so good on that front.

    Next try with this shall be chicken! At least the done-ness will be agreeable to us both.

    Caramelised Maple Syrup Pancakes Fried in Bacon Fat!
    These were great, but they didn't really need the bacon fat. Yes, inoes! How can it be!

    Well it turns out that all the maple syrup the pancakes absorbed while soaking in syrup overnight gushed out when we plopped them in the pan. This had the unforeseen result of caramelising the maple syrup all over the outside of the pancakes, along with infusing them with mapley goodness. The downside is, the caramelising maple syrup basically forced all the baconny fatty goodness away from the pancackles, so we couldn't really taste any bacon at all.

    Verdict: Great, but might as well be fried with butter.

    Creampuffs Fried in Bacon Fat
    Pleasant, but better as the frozen creampuffs they were. Turned out like little poofballs of crispy milk.

    Sperm Jellies...
    Erm... well - we found these in a dessert at a chinese restaurant and just had to bring them home. >.> They're jellies. That look like spermies. That is all.