Unfortunately, due to restrictions on the importation of mythical processed meatstuff, we are unable to bring you Canned Unicorn Meat in the way the Sisters of Radiant Farms intended. When you open your can, you will find one tiny unicorn which has been appropriately sliced into its main cuts of meat. Simply use your Growth Ray to re-embiggen the unicorn before skinning it and processing its flesh. Or if you're lazy, just bring it to your local Mad Scientist-Butcher. He'll know what to do.
ThinkGeek has some of the best marketing copywriting around. Of course, the target audience also helps, but it does make me wish that over half my clients weren't in love with Corporatese.
Corporatese, pointlessly boring to read, and even more boringly pointless to write.